Parenting
Back in the days when we used to have bookstores, the parenting section had two shelves. On one shelf were a bunch of “tiger mom” books on how children should fit into the parents’ lives. On the other (larger) shelf were books on perspective taking — how to see the world from the child’s point of view and be in that world. As much as we would like to think we have a certain philosophy of parenting, we end up going back and forth from one side to the other, because in reality it’s impossible to hold a firm position. Most research shows that it’s important to understand and empathize with the child’s perspective.
As Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until he gets punched in the face.” The first time your child says “I hate you” will set you back a bit, but it’s just a reminder that we don’t control them and we need to change ourselves to understand them better.
The best author in this category, in my opinion, is Alfie Kohn. His website, his books, and his research are gold. Here are a few of his essays:
Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job”
Books
The book I recommend is Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn
Another book I highly recommend is Nurture Shock, new thinking about raising children, by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.
Blogs and websites
Child and Family — a research-based blog with solid insights and advice
UpToParents — resources for kids and parents.
If there are books and resources you think should be listed here, contact me and tell me!